Domestic Violence

Assalamu aleikum dear bloggers,

Let’s talk about domestic violence today. I am not bringing up the subject because of the frenzy with Ray Rice now. This event is just a coincidence. My upcoming novel “The Hazardous of Nilüfer” I finished last year (coming out very soon) even though is a romantic work deals with these issues as well. Below is a wheel of domestic violence, and I believe it is true because I have experienced some of it and saw other people experience it too.

 

Photo credit : http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/

Abusers can be male or female.There is no clear cut that the abuse is only gender specific.

How do you deal with it?

– Make sure that at the first instance, you stand on your grounds and don’t let him or her get away with it. It all depends on your reaction when it first happens. For instance, if s/he called you names, tell s/he right away that the language used toward you was abusive and that you will not put up with it. If s/he hits you, seek help and tell someone that can help stop it right away. If you have to call the police, so be it. The abuser will be smart not do it again because you just exposed s/he to’ negative reinforcement’.

-Pray Allah to guide you in your decisions making because if things don’t change, you need to move on and find happiness because clearly your current situation is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Don’t have unrealistic hopes or keep these hopes undefinitely high up that things will get better

– Try to be independent financially and have a back up plan. If you’re a stay home mom, find an activity that fits your skills to earn that extra cash. Abusers usually take advantage when there are the sole providers. If you are single and comtemplating the idea of marriage, make sure you never fall for  ‘I will take care of you’ phrase. Have a degree in your pocket if you surrender to his wishes because there is so much pressure and work he will put in for you to give up your dream job or career. And when you do, to have peace and for the sake of your marriage, you can revert to that degree when things go sour because marriage is no picnic! We all know that.

-Never let your guard down when an argument arises between you because there is a strong chance that this inner-overbearing desire will re-surface to try take over your life. It’s an on-going issue in many relationships that will try to sneak up on you the moment you think it has been resolved. So stay on your toes at all times! Leave no room for domestic violence of any kind! Attack the problem head on when it happens. Don’t listen to cultural baggage and the like because they dig your grave for you.

Real and fictitious life stories turned in movies about domestic violence that I remember from the top of my head include:

– Moslem

– Sleeping with the Enemy

-Bernie

I loved these movies because they give you a glimpse at human nature and how much wrong we can do to our spouses to have CONTROL. There are many more I saw but you can do your own research. It’s not Ummah or gender specific.

Jazak’Allah khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar