How to Keep the Spark Alive in Our Daily Marriage Routine
Wake up, pray, shower, eat, go to work, come back from work, shower, pray, eat, watch TV and go back to bed. These are the daily routines of many families plus or minus a few other activities. We get so lost in routines that keeping the romance alive between spouses is the last thing on our minds. We complain about not having time for each other when we actually don’t make time for one another.
Life will always get in the way so here are a few tips to insert romance at each corner of these activities you already do. A few moments of giving more attention will only take a few seconds that you will be grateful for later.
When you wake up in the morning, after you made dua to say thank you to your Creator, turn to your spouses and smile at them. A simple “Did you dream about me?” can put a smile on their faces and warm their heart with love and joy.
If you miss the opportunity to wake up with your loved one at your side as s/he might be an earlier riser, you can make it up with taking a shower. Showering with one’s spouse can bring a couple together. However, it’s debatable subject in the ummah. While there are hadith that indicate our beloved Prophet (S) used to take showers with Aisha (RA), many sunni madhahib say that it’s only a private affair. Do your research and do what’s works for you to keep the flicker alive.
After the shower, if you have time to eat, show your appreciation to your spouse for the food by saying thank you and making dua for the spouse that prepared the meal.
When it’s time to go to work, and one of the spouses stays home, the leaving party should leave the family in the hands of Allah. The leaving party should kiss and hug the staying party. The staying party should wish farewell and make dua for the leaving party. If you both work, make dua for each other on your way out, kiss and say goodbye. These little acts of kindness make your family ties strong and your romance ties even stronger.
During the day, think of things that you can make or get for your spouse when you reunite with them. Always keeping your couple and family in the back of your head elevates the prestige of love you all share. The smiles your spouse will have when they come back from work to a nice smelling house filled with tasty and favorite aromas will show in the way they greet you. If you’re the spouse that comes home to a well-kept house daily, try not to come home empty handed. Surprise your mate with romantic gifts. It shows your appreciation. After a long day of doing everything to please you for HIS sake, a nice gesture is encouraging and appreciated. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be a single flower, a chocolate, a dessert, a note, a poem, etc., anything that shows your heart is in a good place. Now, don’t come home with a vacuum and tell your spouse you thought of them. Unless your spouse told you, I need a new vacuum, this move IS NOT romantic. Trust me, it rather says that you were thinking of more cleaning your spouse needs to get busy doing. The bottom line is don’t buy gifts for the house and mistake them for gifts s/he will find romantic. To conclude here, welcome each other with passion and a lot of heart. Life gets busy and taking a second to a minute to celebrate your love on a recurring basis will keep the romance alive and stronger with each step you take in that direction.
It’s time to talk about worship. You can pray together or pray separately (although praying together reaps more reward!). If you choose to pray separately, remember to make dua for your relationship to prosper and for your love for each other to be stronger. Ask HIM to put his barakah in your relationship. You don’t need cupid’s arrow when you constantly ask Allah to mend what’s broken in your relationship and continue to bless you with great love.
Next, as you eat and wind down, don’t be self-centered or selfish. Put your phones down, turn off the TV and ask about each other’s day. Discuss the news, inform each other of what you learned or heard about. Keep the talk alive between yourselves. It’s the foundation for solving problems when they present themselves.
Now, it’s time to go back to sleep. Before sleeping, take another moment to connect. Talk about anything, wish each other good night, make dua for each other, and tell each other corny and cheesy phrases such as “See you in the dream world.” This will lighten the mood and will hopefully put a smile on your faces because cliché is fun. Come up with your own cute phrases. Also try to sleep facing each other and not giving your back to each other. It increases the trust you have for each other. If you happen to have conjugal relations, make sure you satisfy each other. Don’t just use the other. Doing so kills the romance because one will feel used and not desired. You spouse isn’t not an object to satisfy your lust but there to complete you. “Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.” (Quran 2:187)
Above all, stay connected with your spouses with almost (if not) all routines you perform daily by keeping your spouses in your mind at each corner of your life. I hope these tips help and I pray that the fire of love always burns strong in your relationships, ameen!
Papatia Feauxzar is a published author and proud mother of one. She’s also the Editor of Love/Relationships at HAYATI Magazine. Find out more about her at djarabikitabs.com or on her blog at papatia.wordpress.com.