I bought I-intimacy by Ismail Shaikh back in May 2018, and I finally get a chance to share my brief thoughts with you. My version of I-Intimacy is a 293-page eBook with over easy-to-read 70 small chapters dealing with a wide range of issues commonly met in relationships of all types; husband/wife, parents/children, in-laws, toxic religious leaders, etc.
The main thing we should get from Shaikh’s book get is that charity starts at home, and the author expatiates this point by reminding the reader to revive the lost sunnah of sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah in our homes, relationships and marriages.
The book also delves in topics such as finances in a marriage and the salam rule. I didn’t agree with his finance stance as in a man can make a woman aware that he had to use her money.
A woman’s money is her money and no you can’t inform me that you dipped into my rizq without my prior consent. Men have been given many, many, many privileges by Allah and let us recognize that this a privilege that Allah allowed women that should not be trampled over. If you take the money that I don’t have any issue giving you, you have stepped on a major sacred boundary. Period :). Now, if I gave you a bank card linked to my account with your name on it, you don’t have to inform me or make me aware of your spending. My trust is implied by me giving you access to my money.
Now, that’s out there, I can resume and say that I enjoyed that Shaikh made the reader aware that if you truly wish peace upon your spouse by offering salams when you get home, don’t act in the way that contradicts the words you’re saying. It’s true. At least if you avoid people your soul doesn’t recognize, it’s easy to avoid sending them a salam because you aren’t even interacting with them to begin with. Therefore, your actions match the words you aren’t saying. But if you are going to salam me, it should at least come from a place of truth, love, peace, rahmah among other good things.
Another topic I appreciated is the drama triangle, co-dependency and victimhood topic. I completely agreed because I don’t have any tolerance for narcissism and manipulators of all kinds. That said, it’s not a bad thing in passing to validate the true hurt someone felt that you’ve witnessed or been told. Anyway, so check out the following quotes.
“It is important to take time to reflect on our need to rescue.”
“This is about taking care of a “victim,” who is not really a
“…we should remember what the safety
instructions state before the airplane takes off: “When the
oxygen mask drops, put it on yourself before assisting
Toxic people will play the victim card time and time again when you already have enough to deal with on your plate and try to suck you into their never-ending dramas; don’t become co-dependent and fall for the charade. Protect your heart, energy and light.
Finally, it was also refreshing to read a book by a man who puts women on a pedestal through and through without undermining a men’s authority. It’s pretty much whatever works for you figuratively as in, is the woman from “Makkah” or “Madinah?”
“…We, the people of Quraish, used to have authority over
women, but when we came to live with the Ansar, we noticed
that the Ansari women had the upper hand over their men, so
our women started acquiring the habits of the Ansari
Read more at his website -> https://www.carekhalifah.com