Since I can remember, I have met a couple of men (uncles and friends from Africa) who think that women should only stay home and not have a job out of the house. Of course, this opinion never sat well with me. The ironic thing is people with that mentality always crossed my path. My husband and I had different views on the matter but thankfully this was a good fight I decided I would fight until I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I normally pick my battles to stay realistic and practical. This one was MINE insha’Allah!
So it was a subject we avoided discussing because every mention from my part to make him see my point of view would go nowhere. It was a tantrum free debate I assure you not like in my made up story ‘Mistress of the Spices’. The characters have been dramatized a bit for entertainment. I tried to put myself in his shoes. The women from his culture don’t work and are FULLY provided for. Who doesn’t want that? This girl *laughs*. Working gives me a sense of purpose.
Anyways, I put it in prayers and worried about finding work from home after a baby came into the picture. He didn’t see any issue with me working in the meantime. Besides I was independent in his eyes. When the baby came into the picture three years into the marriage, my worries reached the ceiling. I had three months off for maternity leave to decide what I was going to do; return to work or quit after my 90 days’ rest. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I continued praying. My family came to help me for a few months alhamdullilah so that gave me time to reach a decision.
In the meantime, my husband assumed I was working from home with VPN and I let him believe that because it was a white lie. It was true to some point. My story ‘Oblivion’ is inspired on that. However, it became hard for me to leave the baby with anyone (family members and daycare); separation issues. Almost a year after the arrival of the baby, I had done a lot of gymnastics between work, home, and the daycare. This left me tired, sloppy, forgetful, remorseful, and ambivalent.
I began considering the idea of finding an accounting job 100% from home which is very hard to find. I prayed and asked around. Finally, a co-worker mentioned a company I should try. I applied there and quit my loving job (The environment at work was becoming hard to manage too). About six months went by and finally my prayers were answered; an accounting job from home from that company I had my eyes set on. Alhamdullilah.
It took me a couple months to tell my husband. I actually didn’t tell him. I just took him to my company events at really nice venues that we would have never spent money to attend ourselves. Not that we can’t afford them, it is just because we like to live way below our means; #frugals. So in the end, I kept pushing the envelope until he accepted my wish to work. Alhamdullilah.
Now my worries include keeping the job long term because it could be downsized and no one sees the future. Another worry is making sure ‘both babies’ still get my undivided attention. I miss driving to work in the morning but hey that is what opportunity costs are. And there are many I face. But that’s a subject for another time.
Jazakh’Allah khair for reading,