Me (a mother to be insha Allah), my mother, and my mixed feelings on Mother’s Day

 

Anas (radi allahu anhu) reported that Rasulullah (sallallahu aleihu wassalam) said, “Verily, Heaven lies under the feet of our mother.”

Assalamu aleikum dear bloggers,

For Muslims and non-Muslims that celebrate Mother’s day, I hope I don’t bust your bubble with this post about the upcoming and special event for you that is Mother’s Day. Everyone is free to do what they want but this is my opinion and no hard feelings or backbiting please ;).

How did this hallmark event start? Well, a woman by the name of Anna Reeves Jarvis decided to honor her mother after she died in 1905. It finally became an American holiday in 1908 after her many attempts to get to that result.

From this point on, it spread slowly throughout the world, and it is celebrated almost everywhere today.

The Sunnah tells us this below on mothers:

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good company?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Then your father.’” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5626; Muslim, 2548.

Therefore, it is a duty for a Muslim to be grateful to his mother everyday single day that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) makes alhamdullilah. Mothers suffered for us and I don’t need to go into details about this. Personally, I call my mom every morning to check up on her. At 29 years years old, it is very weird for some people that see me do this, lol! I used to call her every night too to wish her good night but after I got married, that changed. I was a bit taken by marriage life because I worked during the day and had to be wife when I got home. So exhausted after a long day, I started forgetting to call her, shame on me! She was a bit hurt by me stopping this practice, but she understood.

It is said that mothers have to be honored three times more than fathers because of the second hadith I have a few paragraphs up due to the hardship of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. We will get into Paradise if we treat her the way we are supposed to; like a queen. Even if she doesn’t share the same belief as you, you still owe it to her. You have to respect her. The following scripture explains this.

It was narrated that Asma’ bint Abi Bakr said: “My mother came to visit me at the time of the Messenger of Allaah and she was a mushrikah. I consulted the Messenger of Allaah , saying, ‘My mother has come to visit me for some purpose, should I uphold ties of kinship with my mother?’ He said, ‘Yes, uphold ties of kinship with your mother.’” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2477.

Moving on. So what did our Prophet (sallallahu aleihi wassalam) say about holidays?

Abu Dawood (1134) narrated that Anas said: When the Messenger of Allah came to Madeenah they had two days when they would play. He said: “What are these two days?” They said: “We used to play on these days during the Jaahiliyyah (before Islam).” The Messenger of Allah said: “Allah has given you instead of them two days that are better than them: the day of al-Adha and the day of al-Fitr.” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

So according to this Hadith sherif, we are not allowed to celebrate anything outside of these two days. Having said that, I have celebrated Mother’s day every year since I could remember. I always send her flowers or novelty strawberries on that day so that she did not feel cheated because she lives in the USA. When I was a child and she was in another country, I still sent her a card. This year has my faith has been growing, I am having issues and mixed feeling about the day. She made a wish of wanting a certain gift and all her children including me the first one, pitched in to make that wish reality for her.

There are many fatwas (Islamic rulings) on how halal (licit) or haram (illicit) this holiday is. The fatwas arguing the harmless nature of that day justify their ruling on the facts that mothers are normally supposed to be honored in Islam so this holiday fits perfectly. The fatwas against it argue that it is copying the non-Muslims and not a decreed holiday by Rasoolullah (sallallahu aleihi wasallam). Both points, I can understand but I lean more toward the second ruling as of this year.

My dilemma now is being in a world where breaking such a tradition makes me look like a jerk and a rebel. I won’t go out of my way to wish a happy  Mother’s day to any woman just like I won’t wish a happy new year or happy thxgiving or happy valentine’s day etc. to people around me but I say thank you when it is wished upon me out of common courtesy or politeness. I have made sure that people around me know that in my small family (Husband, wife, and child) we don’t celebrate these hallmark events because it is considered shirk (idolatry) or following another Ummah than your own which we have been warned about.

The Prophet said ”Whoever imitates a people is like them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3512; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani).

I will end with this story. I don’t know the authenticity of it but it makes a great point that is true in my life at least because I give all the respect due to my mom. People around her always say, your children call you all the time! How did you manage that? She just laughs.

[A little child entered a Masjid in Paris he went to the Imam and told him:

”Sir, my mom sent
me here so that I can study in your school”

“But where is your mother?” the Imam asked
the little boy“ he replied She is standing in
front of the Masjid door outside” ”She is a
non Muslim” The Imam went to her asking
her why she as a non Muslim woman, wants
her little child to study in an Islamic school

She simply said:”my neighbor is a Muslim
woman. Every time she takes her children to
the school, they kiss her hands before going.

They treat her like a queen. Her family is
always happy. Please, teach my child in your
school so that he treats me as Muslim children
treat their parents””

As we struggle to deal with many hallmark events curve balls year round, please make a stand that you only live to serve and please Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ ala) and no one else. Be true to yourself even though I am still divided emotionally on how to break it down to my mom going forward. I will give her anything she wants but I won’t say the words that many will be chanting this Sunday. I know some of you will say, ‘that’s still celebrating’. No is not, it all depends of my intentions.

Jazak’Allah khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar

Author of “Between Sisters, SVP!” and “The Hazardous Life of Nilüfer”